What I would do if I won a million pounds!
So, I thought the hard part was over when Chris Tarrant told me that I had just won a million pounds, but then I realized that I still had to choose what to do with it. My head filled suddenly with endless thoughts, like buying a car, going on holiday or buying a mansion. My wife kept nagging and bugging me to buy her a necklace or to buy a house in Dubai, but I firmly said to her that I had won the money and I would spend it on whatever I wanted.
On Saturday I went to a car showroom to try and buy a Ferrari, but that person from "The Apprentice" Lord Sugar stole my place in the queue. I think car salesmen favour people who are allowed into the House of Lords.
On Sunday I booked up a holiday with Thomas Cook to go to France. However, when the flight had landed, I realised that I was in Japan. Thomas Cook overcooked their coordinates and I ended up in Asia. When I returned to England, I demanded a return of the money that I had wasted (not my fault), but the Travel Agent said to me that Japan is more interesting than France and refused to give me back my money, so I had not spent my money on anything I craved or on anything that was important to me.
On Monday night, I wanted to treat myself (again) and my wife (for the first time since I had won a million pounds). My wife and I, after hours of arguing, decided to go to a Dutch Restaurant. We arrived at the restaurant in our crimson Mini (should have been a Ferrari or a Porsche though) and walked into the restaurant and sat down at a table. We were greeted by a Dutch waiter who was full of beans and we were asked by him how we would pay the bill. My wife said to me to use the credit card, but I said to the waiter that we would go Dutch.
"Get out, get out, you insult me," said the Dutch waiter and we grabbed our belongings and hurried back to the car.
On Tuesday, I decided to use my winnings to visit the best cheese factory in Britain. I thought that this was a Gouda way to spend my winnings after all the disappointment from the previous days. I. Before I was allowed access to the tour, my weight had to be checked. One of the scales said that I weighed a tonne, so then I went on to another scale and it said Stilton (still tonne.) I heard that a rock star called Lee Dale was going to be performing during the tour, so when the tour guide asked if any one had any questions, I asked "When's Lee Dale" (Wensleydale) and the tour guide said to me to clear off and never come back.
I concluded that I would put my money in the bank. I am now hoping that the bank don't send my money over to another bank because of the recession to keep them afloat. If I had their number I could tell them where the lifejackets are kept. So I hope now that I will get something I desperately need or want the next time I plan to spend my winnings. I will be extremely gobsmacked when I do.
By Ian Keir
Thank you to Iain for proving that Grammar work can be good fun!
